It might be the first time you hear about it. And if that’s the case, you may wonder what exactly afterplay is. Well, let’s go straight to the point: afterplay refers to the moments we share with our partner(s) right after sexual intercourse. And more than that, it’s the time when we stay connected and engaged with each other. And I’ll tell you why it matters.

During sex, we open ourselves not only physically, but also mentally and emotionally. We step into a space of vulnerability. And that doesn’t just stop cold when the sex is over. The moments after sex are still moments of openness and vulnerability. Afterplay is about recognizing that we’re in that space and taking care of each other while we are slowly reentering the world.

This alone should be enough, right? But there is more.

• Comfort and Relaxation

Afterplay not only helps us physically relax and wind down, it also provides a space to navigate the emotions that come along with orgasm and sex. We know that during sex, our brains experience a hormonal surge and release a powerful cocktail of feel-good hormones and neurochemicals. And this hormonal flood can sometimes bring up intense reactions. Staying physically and emotionally close after sex helps us process these feelings while the rush fades away.

• Exchange and Feedback

Afterplay also provides an opportunity to discuss our sexual experience and share our thoughts, feelings, and desires. It’s a great time to talk about what we liked, disliked, or would like to explore. If we tried something new, we can exchange feedback. We can share if something didn’t work or where there is room for improvement. We can clear up any miscommunications or misunderstandings. And it’s a chance to hear our partner’s highlights, too. All in all, it ensures we’re emotionally and physically in sync – everything that needed to be shared has been and is understood. And if we’re in a relationship, it helps us better understand each other’s preferences and desires.

• Connection and Trust

It is also an important time for bonding. When we share moments of care and tenderness after sex, we show affection and appreciation for the other(s). It makes us feel connected and valued. And it brings us closer. If we’re in a relationship, it also boosts intimacy and strengthens our relationship. And even more, research has shown that the longer the afterplay, the higher the sexual satisfaction, and in turn, the greater the relationship satisfaction.[1] Don’t say I didn’t tell you!

• Appreciation and Validation

And last but certainly not least, afterplay creates a space of ease and security. It provides comfort and validation. We show that we watch over each other’s well-being. We reaffirm care and appreciation for the other(s). And we feel seen, heard, and valued. This is crucial. Especially after sex. It ensures we don’t feel rejected or misunderstood. And most importantly, it reinforces our trust, self-esteem, and self-worth.

Afterplay doesn't need to be elaborate to be meaningful. It can be a cuddle, a shower, pillow talk, listening to music, a massage, or sharing a good pizza. It can last minutes or hours. There are as many ways to engage in afterplay as there are people on this planet. Yet, it’s the most overlooked stage of a sexual experience. But it’s certainly the most important one. Because it ensures we feel loved, supported, and respected after sex.

So, whether it’s with your partner, your date, or someone you won’t see again, next time you’re about to roll over to grab your phone and check your notifications, pause. Drop that phone. Turn around. And acknowledge your partner's efforts, their beauty, and the pleasure they brought you.

[1] Muise A, Giang E, Impett EA. Post sex affectionate exchanges promote sexual and relationship satisfaction. Arch Sex Behav. 2014 Oct;43(7):1391-402.

The information provided in this article is for educational and informational purposes only and solely as a self-help tool for your own use. It is not a substitute for personalized medical or mental health advice, nor does it establish a client-practitioner relationship. Always consult with your own healthcare or mental health provider when making decisions regarding your health.