The sun is coming back, the days are getting longer, and summer’s heat is knocking on our doors. Sun on our skin? Yes! Sticky nights and sweaty sheets? Not so much. And it turns out, temperature plays a bigger role in our sex life than you might think.

Too Hot, Too Cold

No surprise, temperature does affect us. But it also affects our sex life, both physically and psychologically. When we’re too hot, we sweat, feel dehydrated, fatigued, irritable, and generally uncomfortable. Heat also disrupts our sleep and can raise our stress levels. But being too cold isn’t much better: we tense up, our blood flow slows, and our sensitivity drops. Plus, since our core temperature naturally dips as we move toward rest, a colder body can also signal to our brain that it’s time to sleep.

Sex is all about sensation, so being too hot or too cold, well…dulls the experience. It makes it harder to relax, respond, or enjoy touch. And when our body is focused on cooling down or warming up, it’s not prioritizing arousal. Not exactly the best recipe for a fun time.

And let’s add a little something to make it even trickier: comfort isn’t one-size-fits-all. What’s too hot for one might be perfect for another. The conditions we need to feel good are different for each and every one of us. AC wars, “window up or down” debates, shower temp negotiations… sound familiar? And here is the cherry on top: studies show that women tend to be more sensitive to temperature changes than men.[1]

So, how do we find common ground?

Perfect Heat for All

First step: know that temperature plays a role in sex. And know that it impacts our comfort, desire, and arousal. If you’ve read this far: congrats, that’s already a check!

What else?

• Inquire

Be aware of what works for you: warm, hot, steamy? Or cool and breezy? And what about your partner(s)? Is it a match? If not, don’t worry, keep reading.

• Adjust

If you can tweak the temperature, do it. Not sure where to start? Try around 75°F (24°C) [2], then fine-tune based on what feels good for both of you.

• Explore

Can’t meet in the middle? Flip the script: here is a perfect opportunity for new experiences! Feeling chilly? Try a warm breath on their neck, a drizzle of heated oil, or massage candle wax. Too hot? Grab some ice cubes, cooling gel, or jump in a cold shower together. Or find what works for both of you, or try what you’ve always wanted to try. The possibilities are endless.

Bottom line: too hot or too cold, it’s all personal. But it doesn’t have to be a problem. It can be a way in. An opportunity to explore. And that little temperature friction? It might just be the fun part.

The information provided in this article is for educational and informational purposes only and solely as a self-help tool for your own use. It is not a substitute for personalized medical or mental health advice, nor does it establish a client-practitioner relationship. Always consult with your own healthcare or mental health provider when making decisions regarding your health.

[1] Zhao Q, Lyu J, Du H, Lian Z, Zhao Z. Gender differences in thermal sensation and skin temperature sensitivity under local cooling. J Therm Biol. 2023 Jan;111:103401; Deng Q, Wang R, Li Y, Miao Y, Zhao J. Human thermal sensation and comfort in a non-uniform environment with personalized heating. Sci Total Environ. 2017 Feb 1;578:242-248.

[2] Osada Y. Experimental studies on the sexual and seasonal differences of the optimal thermal conditions. J Hum Ergol (Tokyo). 1978 Dec;7(2):145-55.